Why Sexual Education Is Necessary To Primary Prevention

Sexual Education Should Be Mandatory

Sexual education of children is essential to the prevention of sexual abuse, before it can happen. This also applies to sexual assault. I believe that sexual education should be required of all children in every country in an age-appropriate format. But I am sure that saying that much may have shocked you, and you may wonder what the reasons I have are.

Say What?

Let us begin with defining what sexual education means. Sexual education is the educating of children about the topics and mechanics involved in sex and sexuality, but that is not all that it is. Sexual education means teaching children about safe sex practices, about consent, and about sexual boundaries. It also means teaching children that if they are having an issue of a sexual nature, they can get help for it.

Let me expand what I mean by that. If a child has been the victim of sexual abuse or assault, it means that the child hears they can get help and they can tell someone. They may not even realize that what was done to them was abusive. If a child has sexual thoughts towards someone else that they would like to act out, but have no idea how to go about that, they might seek help if they know they can. Some have no idea that is even an option.

It also means that if someone is wrestling with pedophilia, or a sexual attraction to children, they hear the message that there is help and they do not have to face it alone. You see, sexual education does not just mean teaching children about sex. Facing reality, they will find out about sex eventually. As rational human beings, we would prefer that they do not find out by watching pornography and getting an unrealistic idea of what sex is. Right?

Guidance Versus No Guidance

So… what happens when a child starts having sexual feelings, but they have no guidance for them? We know that there is age-appropriate and age-inappropriate sexual behavior, and we know that it is possible for children to sexually abuse other children. In the absence of knowing what to do with sexual feelings, or unwanted sexual advances, or sexual issues and struggles, they will do what children often do: Experiment. Sometimes, that experimentation is expected and does not harm other children. But sometimes, the other child is traumatized by such experimentation.

It is obviously beneficial for children to have guidance so that they learn what is and is not socially acceptable, and so that they can avoid harming someone else. Sexual education is essential to preventing child sexual abuse for that reason.

Everyone Makes It Political

Sexual education is a political topic for many, because there are differing approaches to sexual education. Some want abstinence education, or trying to teach children that they should abstain from sex before marriage. Some want comprehensive sexual education, or teaching children everything from the mechanics, boundaries, and expectations around sex to the physical health aspects of the risk of STD’s, AIDS/HIV, and safe sex. Others want to teach children about LGBTQ issues, so that children who have attractions to their same sex have resources to utilize, support groups to go to, or someplace to go to know they are not alone.

Let me cut through the political messes on this issue and ask you a simple question… If sexual education is not taught in school, and you are a parent, are you willing to honestly answer every question your child has about sex? Are you capable of having that conversation in a professional, calm atmosphere, without freaking out because it is your child asking the questions? Do you have what it takes to ensure that your child does not walk away with the message that sex is inherently wrong or evil?

I ask that because many parents struggle with how to have those conversations, because of how emotionally involved they are and because they may not know what to say or how to teach their children what they need to know about sex. They may have no idea what their child even needs to know about sex, or why they need to know it. Sexual education should not be a political issue. Part of being human for the vast majority of humanity is having sexual feelings, just as the vast majority of humanity needs a job, shelter, food, clothing, etc. We teach children about these things, but we sometimes expect them to just figure the sex aspect out on their own.

That is a dangerous expectation for reasons I have already outlined. It is also possible for children to commit crimes because they do not know that what they did is a crime. Sexual education can teach children not only the parts about sex that make us squirm, it can teach them ethics of how to behave so that they do not harm others, or themselves, through sexual behavior.

Putting Facts First

Rather than making the issue political, we should go where the facts go. Are there studies that look at which kinds of sexual education are more effective at teaching body safety? Are there studies that look at the sexual behaviors of children with differing kinds of sexual education? Are the results of some forms of education more advantageous compared to others? These are the kinds of questions we should be asking, for the sake of our children. I am not going to propose studies or link you to any. Go Google it. Go find out the information. Explore the topic.

I have no idea what political background you, dear reader, may be coming from. But let me explain mine: My father is a republican, and my mother does not care about politics. We never discussed politics much in our house. I formed my own ideas. I am neither a democrat or a republican. There are issues that I find to be important, and I vote on those issues and choose the candidate I prefer based on that. I do not believe it is rational or sane to stick to a particular political platform. I suppose it is possible I just insulted someone, but my point is that sticking to a particular ideology is fallacious because it can all too easily lead us to conclusions that are not based on facts.

On issues involving crime, when we form ideas based solely on ideology and not on the facts of varying approaches, we can enable more crime to happen through negligence. That is not in anyone’s best interests, particularly where children are concerned. Child sexual abuse is an epidemic that demands that the facts be placed above ideology, religion, political party platform, or opinions. We cannot prevent child sexual abuse before it happens by only doing what we think is best. We must consult facts, studies, and experts on the subjects involved so that the best course of action to protect children is taken.

Conclusion

I hope you can see better my perspective, and the perspective of primary prevention, on why sexual education is necessary. I hope you have the time to research what works and what does not work, and I hope that children are important enough to you that you are willing to put aside your own ideas and look at the facts. Sexual abuse and sexual assault cannot be adequately prevented if the facts do not matter.

Is Masculinity A Factor In Sex Crime?

I saw an intriguing article this morning in my news feed: A theory that talking about masculinity can prevent crimes. Specifically, rape and mass shootings. I would posit that this theory can also apply to child sexual abuse. First, we need to look at what masculinity teaches.

Masculinity: What is it?

Masculinity is a difficult thing for me to discuss, primarily because of my asperger's. However, my asperger's also gives me the opportunity to sit somewhat apart from my male peers and judge them somewhat from a distance. To me, masculinity is the social value that society places on various things that all add up to being on some imaginary spectrum of 'manhood'. At the one end, you have your 'sissies', the people who are not very manly at all, even if they are, well, men. At the other, you have your manly men (no, not men in tights) who are macho and, well, real men. So what exactly differentiates the sissies from the manly men? Here is a convenient list of beliefs and traits I have observed:

• Real men do not cry
• Real men do not show emotion
• Real men are secure in their manhood
• Real men like women, a lot
• Real men can pick up chicks
• Real men work hard
• Real men never complain
• Real men love sports 
• Real men know most of the players on their favorite sports teams teams by heart
• Real men can pick a fight with another man... and win
• Real men are better than you
• Real men have children that are great at sports
• Real men have lots of buddies to hang out with
• Real men can hold their alcohol
• Real men have a decent amount of money
• Real men have a nice car, a nice house, and a nice woman
• Real men have these nice things because they have fought for them by working hard
• Real men do not cry about bullies, they show the bully who is boss
• Real men drive pickup trucks and muscle cars

While not a complete list, this might give you an idea of what it means to be a man. There are implied things, like a real man is not gay, a real man does not talk about their emotions, and a real man does not take flak from people. But it is a good list.

Connecting the dots

Is it possible that these expectations fuel sex crimes as well as crude, rude, or violent behavior? I am sure you can imagine what I mean by crude: There are plenty of examples, like the boss with the hot secretary that he hits on all the time, the woman in the lunch room that is the center of attention in a room full of men, the pick-up lines, catcalls, and quest to have sex with women... And rude? A real man is entitled to what he has and what he wants and will just take it if he needs to, including that spot in line, that parking space... And violence needs no other example than football and hockey! Only men could come up with the idea that sports that seem to focus on a puck or a ball, but are really about beating up or knocking down other men to get to said objects. 

So, what happens when a man does not live up to these expectations? What happens when they fall more on the sissy end than the manly end? What happens when these manly attitudes result in homophobic, sexist, or abusive jokes? More often than not, they are not respected. They are not treated as men. They are bullied or harassed. They might be subjected to emotional or physical abuse. They can be hazed. There are plenty of examples to have the unspoken assumption that if you are seen as being on the sissy end, you risk all of these things and more. You have no status if you do not make the cut. 

Desperation 

Putting all of these unrealistic expectations on a man, and you have a recipe for someone who is desperate to be seen as acceptable so that he can belong as a man. Social status is the biggest weapon of masculinity, and without it, the sissies are nothing. So they will do whatever they think will win them back the status that they need in order to be that manly man, the macho guy. Sometimes, that results in sexist jokes to win back some social status. Maybe it is not just a joke, maybe it is a pick-up line they use to get a woman so they can brag about how they really can get a chick. Maybe the pick-up line failed, so maybe it is bullying someone who is more of a sissy than they are. Maybe they do not know anyone who is more of a sissy, so they stalk a woman. Maybe it is not just stalking, maybe they rape her. Maybe it is not a woman, maybe it is a child. A child cannot really fight back, so why not?

The bottom line

By now I think I have made my point quite clear: This ideal of a manly man does not exist. It is a figment of the social imagination, a goal to strive for that is unattainable. That is why we have superhero movies: It takes someone that is far more than just an ordinary human to attain what is truly masculine. But this ideal causes real damage. You see, that list I gave? It is not just a list of things that make a man a real man. It becomes a list of beliefs. "A real man is *insert belief*. I am not, so I must..." Those beliefs lead to what psychologists call cognitive dissonance: A difference in what is really the case, and what should be the case. It is a difference in expectation. 

There are two ways to solve cognitive dissonance: Change the reality, or change the expectation. It is easier to come up with ways to change the reality, but it is much harder to change the expectation. However, changing the expectation so that it is realistic is something that is far more controllable than how much money someone makes, what their level of attraction is to women, the ability to get a girlfriend, or the ability to be interested in sports and hotrods. And that is an extremely odd tie-in, because if you have read my posts about treatment... you will realize that I essentially just made the case that masculinity can cause the very beliefs that lead someone to commit a sexual offense. 

One of the beliefs I had to change was entirely related to my emotions. I swallowed the beliefs about not feeling, not crying, and not addressing how I feel. I decided not to feel. That played an important role in my ability to take care of myself and fed into my decisions to abuse a child. 

Conclusion

I am a sissy. I was before I offended, I was growing up, and in many ways I still am. Only now? I do not care, because some arbitrary set of cultural expectations about what is or is not masculine does not get to dictate how I live my life. I have that power and that control, not this list, this farce over what a man is and is not. To answer the question this post poses: Absolutely. Masculinity and expected gender roles and norms absolutely play a role in sex crime. A cornered animal will do anything to defend itself. If you socially corner someone into a box where they have no status and no hope, there is no telling what they will do to attempt to break free from that box.