It is quite normal to use the word "pedophile" to refer to someone who has sexually abused children, or to think that those with a sexual attraction to children have or will abuse children. However, neither is accurate. People with a sexual attraction to children (pedophiles) are not typically responsible for abusing children, and those that abuse children do not typically have pedophilia. By using the proper terminology, we can reduce the stigma around pedophilia and enable pedophiles to come forward for help if they need it. What Is Prevention Project Dunkelfeld?
PPD is a German program aimed at reaching anyone with concerns about their thoughts around children. Because there is no mandatory reporting law in Germany, they are able to offer free and completely confidential help to people. While their primary target is people with a sexual attraction to children (regardless of whether those people have hurt or not hurt children, see here if you need a refresher on the distinction between child rapist/child rape and pedophile/pedophilia), it is impossible to argue with their results. Hundreds of people have come forward since the program started in 2005, and they have gone from a single site to many sites all over Germany. Their program is seeing people with sexual concerns crawling out of the woodwork to get help.
A Word About Sweden
Sweden has one of the best systems for handling crime out there: They treat their criminals like people instead of scum, and it seems that this system is paying off. While some reports might tell you that they have a much higher rate of rape and other sexual crimes compared to the United States, you must remember that rape is a highly underreported crime, particularly in the United States: According to RAINN, out of every 1,000 rapes, only 310 are reported to police, and 11 get referred to prosecutors. It is possible that Sweden's approach to crime means more people are prosecuted, and more cases are reported. Sweden has a fairly low incarceration rate because they offer help when giving people a second chance, rather than just slapping them with a sentence, a criminal record, and telling them, "Good luck rebuilding your life, we'll be watching." This begs the question of whether the United States could do better, and whether looking at Sweden, as well as Germany, could benefit us.
Why Does Mandatory Reporting Matter?
Previously, I have discussed mandatory reporting from the perspective of those who have loved ones who have abused children. What you may not realize is that mandatory reporting does not just affect people who have already hurt a child, it affects those who have not committed any crime, but fear they might be charged with one because of a misconception or false accusation. While false accusations of sexual abuse are relatively rare (4-8%), the degree to which sexual abuse is punished by law makes it a very, very scary topic for people.
Combine that with the sexual attraction to children, which most people erroneously conflate with the sexual abuse of a child, and you have a recipe for no one coming forward for help. One of the biggest emerging areas in sexual abuse prevention is the question: How do we get people with concerns about their thoughts towards children to get help before a child is hurt? Prevention Project Dunkelfeld has answered that question. While many pedophiles may already have support systems in place, it is extremely difficult. Establishing support networks for pedophiles (those with the sexual attraction, not those who have abused, remember) has been a challenge primarily because of the fear that they will be charged with a crime or investigated (and outed) by law enforcement.
Mandatory reporting also deters victims from reporting their abuse. Most people consider sexual abuse to be a heinous crime... and rightly so. But those same people also consider those who commit this crime to be abhorrent monsters, sexual predators even... when this is not the case. Around 90% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone known and trusted, not just by the victim, but in the surrounding community. 30% are family members: Someone's loving uncle, father, brother, and more. 60% are people who are close friends with the family: Teachers, babysitters, coaches, and more. These are people we care about, not just an ugly monster we feel fine just locking up and throwing away the key.
That matters because the person abusing the victim is someone the victim loves and cares for, and the community around both the victim and the abuser loves and cares for both the victim and the abuser. We see a pattern in many institutional cases where a teacher or priest is known to have been abusing, and nothing is done- by adults. This outrages us because of the lack of accountability, but it gives testimony after testimony that abuse is perpetrated by known, loved, and trusted figures. This means that no one wants them to get in trouble, but everyone wants them to get help. If the only way to get them help is for the abuser to go to prison and have their life ruined, many people decide that the help is not worth it. I suggest that it is possible to hold an abuser accountable without giving them a criminal sentence for the rest of their life, and without draconian punishments. Sweden clearly demonstrates this possibility, as does Germany.
The original basis for their Help Wanted project was an episode that aired on This American Life (30 min.), which told the story of a young pedophile who tried many different therapists before joining Virtuous Pedophiles and creating his own support group. While Help Wanted seems to be exclusively aimed at helping teenagers, it is the only US-based attempt to determine how to reach potential abusers of children before the abuse can happen.
One of the biggest needs to make this kind of prevention a reality is the elimination of mandatory reporting laws, and the elimination of draconian sentencing. While there are a small percentage of sexual abusers who fit the media stereotype of being "monstrous scum" who constantly prey on children, the majority of abusers do not fit this stereotype. If we had policies and a public that recognized that fact, the United States and other countries could put a significant dent in child sexual abuse.
How Can You Help?
Contact your legislators, and link this post, or the programs linked in this post. The more people who are aware of Help Wanted and Prevention Project Dunkelfeld, the more chance there is that something can be done. It is not enough for a lone prevention advocate, and a lone prevention organization, to be saying these things. Multiple people from different areas of background (or no background at all) need to join these voices.
For most people, calling your legislators and leaving a message is far more effective than shooting off an email. Sending a physical letter will help as well. If you are unsure of who your legislators are, Google "contact my representative in [state]". If multiple people contact the same office at around the same time, they take more notice.
You can also donate money to the Moore Center and other organizations that push primary prevention, like Stop It Now! There is a heavy financial need for projects like Help Wanted, because of the number of people unwilling to provide funding on such an emotional topic.
Mandatory reporting can be an immensely complex topic to
cover. Given the pushes in the United Kingdom for mandatory reporting, I think
it is necessary to address some of the failures that mandatory reporting can
have, as well as some of the misconceptions of what mandatory reporting calls
for. I think that in the United Kingdom, there are particular concerns about
whistleblowers who may wish to report what they know to be an abusive
situation, but fear that their job may be on the line. This is a separate issue
from mandatory reporting. So, this post will aim to address the difference
between mandatory reporting and whistleblower protection, and the pitfalls of
mandatory reporting.
Issues In
Mandatory Reporting
One of the biggest issues that comes to mind with mandatory
reporting is the reality of who sexually abuses children, or for that matter,
the reality of who abuses children in general. The public perception seems to
continue to be that dirty strangers and sex offenders abuse children, or
sexually abuse children. However, the reality is that over 90% of those who
sexually abuse children are people known and trusted by both the child and the
community around the child. With sexual assault as a whole, that statistic is
still above 80%. In other words, in the majority of these cases the perpetrator
is someone who is known, trusted, and well-liked in the community of the child.
When you love someone, the last thing you want for them are
the legal hassles of being arrested, charged, or convicted of a crime. You can
tell yourself until you are blue in the face that it does not matter who the
person is, if they are sexually abusing your child, you will report them
immediately. I really do not care what you tell yourself, but the reality is
not at all that simple. Say you are married with children, and you find out
that your husband or wife is sexually abusing one of the children. You want
them and the child, first and foremost, to get mental health help to wade
through the issue and ensure it does not happen again.
Another common public perception is that most of the time
someone does sexually assault or abuse someone, they will inevitably reoffend.
Please stop here. Go to the right-hand side of this blog, and at the top you
will find, “Resources:Studies And Articles”. Click it. You can pick any number of studies
and articles in this resource, but the facts and statistics firmly establish
the fact that most people who sexually take advantage of someone else will not
do so again. The facts also show that help is effective in dropping the number
of people who re-offend. While recidivism rates are far from perfect, they are
a great general indicator of how likely to re-offend a particular criminal
population is.
So, let us visit a few scenarios:
1.A single parent who discovers that a teenage son
or daughter is sexually abusing a younger sibling.
2.A married couple with children, and one of the
couple discovers that the other is sexually abusing the children.
3.A married couple without children, and one of
the couple discovers that the other is volunteering with children, and takes
individual children to private places for unknown reasons. They suspect
something might be going on.
4.Someone who has sexual attractions to children,
and fears they might someday act upon their attractions.
5.Someone who has sexually abused a child and
wants to get help to stop and make sure it does not happen again.
In each of these scenarios, which are likely very common,
you have people who, under mandatory reporting laws, would not be mandated to
report the abuse. However, if any of these people see a therapist, that therapist
would be required, under mandatory reporting, to tell law enforcement about
that situation. All of these people are either very close to the abusive person
(1-3), or they are the abusive person (4-5). If they are aware that seeing a
therapist means the involvement of law enforcement, how likely are they to seek
help?
That just covers five scenarios not involving mandatory
reporters. Now, let us take a glance at some situations that could involve
mandatory reporters, under mandatory reporting laws:
1.A social worker, teacher, or church official
that becomes aware of abuse within the child’s family.
2.A social worker, teacher, or church official
that becomes aware that a coworker is abusing a child.
3.A police officer that becomes aware that their
partner or boss is abusing a child.
4.A doctor or nurse that becomes aware that their
direct supervisor is abusing a child.
5.Someone who works in any one profession that
requires mandatory reporting, but knows someone in their personal life who is
abusing a child.
Suddenly, mandatory reporting stops being straightforward.
Does the person in the first scenario do their duty and rip apart the child’s
family, which is also traumatic for a child? Does the person in situations 2-4
shatter their workplace with such a revelation? If their country does not have
whistleblower protection laws, which shield someone in those situations from
losing their job, will they be risking their job? How likely are any of these
people to say anything in the absence of mandatory reporting laws? How likely
is it that, under mandatory reporting laws, these people will be making a
difficult situation even more traumatic, not only for the child, but all of the
people around them?
Mandatory reporting may sound like the right thing to do at
first, but these ten situations raise a number of questions that do not have
solid answers. Countries that have mandatory reporting, like the United States
and Canada, sometimes will have procedures in place for law enforcement to
limit the trauma of involving the police. These procedures are not in place in
every situation, and come places will have child protective services, family
court, or a similar setup to ensure that fairness and justice are both in
place. Child advocates, lawyers, judges, juries, therapists, social workers…
the complications to each of these situations are not as simple as “make them
report it to police”.
Whistleblower Laws
Some countries, like the United States, have what are called
“whistleblower” laws to protect people who know of illegal activity within the
company from facing retaliation for reporting the illegal activity to the
police. These whistleblower laws do not mandate that people report such
activity, but they do give them legal protections and courses of action to take
if their employer retaliates against them if they choose to make such a report.
These laws give added protection and are aimed at limiting the actions that
employers can take in response to such a report being filed.
Pedophiles
I must stop a moment to address something that most people
do not consider, and that is the reality that pedophiles do not always abuse
children. A pedophile is someone with sexual attractions to young children, and
there is academic
evidence to suggest that not
all pedophiles are even a danger to children. Observing that reality does
not make me some kind of “sex offender advocate”, or mean that I am “taking the
side of sex offenders”. It means I recognize a fact that is related to the
issue of child sexual abuse. I have discussedthe estimates that can be made based on what we know about these issues,
and these estimates show that using the most conservative estimate of the
number of pedophiles, only 8% or less are known to sexually abuse children.
With that being said, and as you probably realize with me
having to dedicate an entire paragraph to explain it, pedophilia is an
extremely stigmatized condition. If you wish to know more about this stigma,
please copy “stigma against pedophiles” into Google, as it is not the main
focus here.
However, it should be pointed out that most mental health
providers do not have specific experience with pedophilia or other sexual
issues. There have also been many horror stories of pedophiles being reported
to the police merely for talking with a therapist about their attractions in
order to get help with them. Therefore, the common assumption among pedophiles
is that if their country has mandatory reporting, it is not safe to talk with a
therapist about the issues they are experiencing. Sexual abusers who are
sexually attracted to children (“pedophilic”, in other words) make up about a third of
sexual abusers. Imagine if even half of those people felt they were able to
get professional help, before they had sexually abused a child.
Conclusion
Mandatory reporting is not an ideal solution to child sexual
abuse. It can cause more issues than it solves by pushing people further away
from mental health help, and it can have the added effect of stigmatizing
mental health issues. Other solutions besides mandatory reporting, like
whistleblower laws, should be considered in the UK instead, and a closer look
must be paid to the child sexual abuse prevention program Don't Offend: Germany's Prevention Program.
The United States has had a “Help
Wanted” study this year to look at what pedophiles report that they needed
in adolescence to help them with pedophilia. A great many organizations exist
to reduce and eliminate the stigma around mental health issues. We must
investigate other alternatives to mandatory reporting.
It is always helpful to define terms, particularly when terms can be as controversial as the subject matter is. Child sexual abuse is a controversial topic because it is a broad topic. Contained in that one subject are consent laws, mandatory reporting laws, civil laws aimed at improving public safety, SORNA, residency restrictions, sex offenders, law enforcement training, and a slew of other items. Many people love to debate controversial issues.
I used to be one of those people, but on this topic, I have a generally narrower focus. I specifically avoid the legal subjects involving age of consent and mandatory reporting because those issues are never-ending. I also avoid using a legal definition of child sexual abuse, because it is overly broad. It is possible for a legal act of child sexual abuse to occur, yet have the legal victim be an enthusiastic participant in the activity, particularly among older teenagers. It is also possible for teens to send explicit images of themselves to others, and have them be legally charged with child pornography, with themselves being both the legal victim and perpetrator.
That is why I avoid legal conversations. I avoid age of consent, because no matter what number is picked, there will always be someone below that number who is mature enough to consent, and someone above that number who is not mature enough to consent. I likewise try to avoid a legal definition of child sexual abuse: No matter how diligent or understanding the police are, there will always be someone arrested for something that was not harmful to the legal victim.
Therapeutic?
I try my best to be clear that when I talk about child sexual abuse, I use a therapeutic approach. In my treatment/support group, they considered a sexual offense as an act that crossed someone's sexual boundary in a way that harmed or traumatized them. For me, the definition of child sexual abuse is tied with harm done to the victim: If there was no harm, there was no victim, if there was no victim, it was not abuse. The act is tied to sexual exploitation and the aftermath of the act: If the act was done by someone several years older than the victim, and the act was sexually exploitative, coercive, and resulted in harm, it was abusive.
So... what is a child?
In talking about perpetrators of abuse of said children, there is typically an age difference of at least a few years. For example, an 11-year-old touching the private parts of a 7-year-old would be considered child sexual abuse if the 7-year-old was harmed. Developmentally, such behavior is not expected or considered the norm. If a 7-year-old is touching the private parts of another 7-year-old, that behavior is considered normal curiosity and exploration. The key is an age difference. Many groups push for considering anyone under 18 a child, but I do not think the reality is that simple unless a therapeutic definition is used for abuse.
Practically speaking...
That is great, but how does that look practically? An adult who photographs a child when they are nude is sexually abusive if that child is harmed in the process, or afterwards by knowing the photograph is on the internet. They are not if the child is unharmed during or afterwards (still illegal). Someone several years older who touches a child's private parts are sexually abusive if the child is uncomfortable with it, and are harmed by it. They are not abusive if the child is unharmed and okay with it (still illegal). Someone who, as a 19-year-old, has sex with their 15-year-old lover, is sexually abusive if the 15-year-old was harmed and did not consent to the act. They are not abusive if the teen was unharmed and consented (still illegal in the US). A lewd conversation between an adult and a child, if the child was harmed, it was abusive (legal unless solicitation was involved).
Those are just a few out of many possible situations. You might ask me, "How can you describe a situation where a child goes through that and isn't harmed? That's impossible." However, those situations are real and documented. There are a number of studies that show that there are some children who are either unharmed, or move past the event enough that it ended up not being traumatic. Running With Scissors is a book where one such situation is detailed by the author. The book is an autobiography. As I have pointed out before, those situations do not justify or make legal the acts that do not result in harm, it means a therapeutic definition is important.
Researchers prefer to view those situations as examples of people overcoming potentially traumatic events. I have the perspective that these children are well-adjusted because they were able to accurately examine how they felt about the events, and decided for themselves that they were not harmed. You could say that these children are very robust and emotionally healthy, because they were able to look at an event and decide for themselves how they felt about it. Here is one great example of an act that was consensual, that the teenager did not report harm, but was still illegal and still overreacted to by the adults in their life. Bear in mind that this would have still been illegal if the man was not on probation for a different sex crime. Also, that case is a great example for groups that discuss age of consent laws. They would point out that in most parts of the world, including Europe, that act would not have been illegal. It perfectly illustrates why legal discussions on this subject are never-ending: What if the girl was 15? 14? 12? What if she still consented then? How does she know what consent is?
Primary prevention tie-in?
The presence of these situations is critical to the primary prevention of child sexual abuse, and here is why. The presence of these situations means that there are children who knew their own boundaries and feelings well enough to know when something did or did not cross those boundaries. It is a win for primary prevention, because these select few children were able to express themselves clearly. It serves as a model for what happens when children are able to create, set, and maintain their own boundaries. If they are able to look at something potentially traumatic as a neutral event, they will likewise be better able to determine when something crosses boundaries and causes them harm.
It is also a reminder that when approaching a child who was impacted by sexually exploitive behavior, we must let the child tell their own story. It is a reminder that overreacting can make a neutral situation traumatic for the child, and to respect the child enough to tell their own story. Why the emphasis on children?
When it comes to detecting when abuse is occurring, preventing it from happening, and holding perpetrators accountable, the first priority must be the child. While the surrounding community does have feelings about abusive events, the primary impact is to the child. No one should ever presume to tell a child how to feel, only help the child work through how they feel and what they think. It is extremely common for children who have been abused to care for and trust their abuser. The child has a right to feel that way, just as they have a right to hate their abuser. Without that sort of emphasis on children, it is possible to dictate how the child feels and make the impact and effects of the abuse worse than they initially were. Magnifying the effects of child sexual abuse is obviously not something to be striving for, and that is why an emphasis on children must take priority. Without it, primary prevention cannot happen.
Final thoughts...
I know there are some people out there who might twist my argument here to mean that sexual acts with children are acceptable if the child is not harmed, and I must be clear that just because there are children who are not harmed does not make the behavior on the part of the older youth or adult acceptable or moral. The high potential for harm makes the act immoral and unacceptable, every time. Just because even 15/100 cases do not result in harm does not make the behavior itself okay. Another issue is that child sexual abuse does not always result in readily apparent harm. Sometimes, it can take years for someone to realize they were in fact traumatized.
My own abuse was exactly like that: It affected how I saw myself and the world around me. It was not until I began talking about my past that I came to a more realistic understanding of what happened to me, where previously I saw it as normal. I felt shamed for the normal experiences because I did not believe I had the right to enjoy them. But I felt that the abusive experiences were normal for no other reason than that they happened to me. And how I felt about everything was a garbled mess because I had no idea how to properly feel or identify my emotions.
While it is possible that children involved in sexual acts with older youth or adults will not be traumatized or harmed does not make the behavior acceptable. Just because a handful of alcoholics are able to recover to the point of being able to drink socially with no problems does not mean that all alcoholics will get to that point.
I recently joined Twitter to grow my ability to advocate and share resources, and I have had several interactions with Ender Wiggin, who wrote an outstanding article about what it is like to grow up with pedophilia and why pedophiles do - and do not - need help. This article was originally found here. Ender Wiggin has also written other articles on the topic of pedophilia.
The only thing I would add to this story is that there are organizations that offer expert guidance and know exactly who to connect a pedophile in your area to the help that they need, and have sex-specific training to know when someone really is a risk to children and when they are not, regardless of mandatory reporting. If you live in Germany, they have a program for that also. There is also an online support system available as well that Ender also mentions.
I would add that I was treated by a therapist who is a member of the referral link, and I can personally vouch for them. While they may refer a pedophile to sex offender treatment regardless of whether they have had contact with a child, that treatment will be tailored to the individual's needs. Within this organization, their goal is to come up with an individual plan for someone to stay safe and address their ongoing mental health needs. Their goal is not to stigmatize, report, or abuse their position: It is to identify the risks, needs, and beliefs that Ender mentions so that one can know how to respond to them and manage them.
But enough of my introduction. Here is his story:
Help!
What help do pedophiles need?
One of the most common things us pedophiles get told by people online — other than “kill yourself” — is “get help!” Of course, by that they mean to imply that every pedophile needs psychiatric or psychological help or treatment to either a) be “cured” of our terrible “illness” or b) to help us “manage” our condition and resist our “urges” and not abuse a child.
The former comes from the misunderstood idea that pedophilia is a “disease” that can somehow be “cured”. While it is true that pedophilia is currently regarded as a mental disorder, there are many nuances and the same could be said not that long ago about homosexuality. In addition, even if considered a disorder, it is widely accepted by the people that research pedophilia and treat pedophiles that the condition of being sexually attracted to children is impossible to change or “cure”. It is not the purpose of this post to explore this though, I will do so shortly in a dedicated post.
The latter is simply based on biased and prejudiced views and a misunderstanding of pedophilia as a condition. The reality is that the only pedophiles people hear about are those that have made it to the news headlines for having molested children or been caught producing, distributing or downloading child pornography, so it is only natural for the public to believe that all pedophiles indulge in one or more of those things and only through a very close monitoring can they be persuaded or prevented from doing so. In their view, a pedophile has to be constantly supervised or otherwise they are a threat to every child they encounter, which is simply ridiculous.
Others believe all pedophiles should be chemically (if not physically) castrated — given testosterone-reducing or otherwise libido-reducing medication — which is apparently the only way they believe a pedophile is able to refrain from acting on our attraction. The reality is quite different though. I will address child pornography in other posts in the future, but when it comes to actually sexually molesting children, it is generally as simple as knowing that it is wrong and that there is a very high risk of causing the child severe harmfor a pedophile to refrain from ever doing so. We are not by definition monsters who wish to inflict pain and suffering onto others in order to achieve our own pleasure. We can be as empathetic as anyone and the desire to not cause harm is more than enough for the majority of us to abstain from acting on our attractions. Everyone is in control of their own actions at all times, and if anyone doubts their ability to refrain from acting on their attractions it is a self-inflicted doubt caused by internalizing the prevailing narrative that all pedophiles are bound to molest a child sooner or later, but not because pedophilia somehow impairs one’s self-restraint, because it just doesn’t. As I explained in my article about sexual fantasies, pedophilia is not a compulsion or an irresistible urge, and the notion that it is so is a misguided one based on prejudice and stigma.
Do pedophiles need therapy?
If the attraction to children cannot be made to disappear through therapy, do pedophiles need therapy at all? Like I mentioned above, many pedophiles have self-inflicted doubts about their ability to refrain from acting on their attractions because they have internalized the message that they are destined to do so at some point in their lives. These deeply internalized beliefs are often accompanied by feelings of desperation and self-loathing, and often even suicidal feelings. Pedophiles have no inherent desire to harm children, and the thought that they will inevitably harm one is distressing to the core. In addition, there is a very real risk that these beliefs turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is not something I’m simply making up on the spot; it’s widely acknowledged by psychologists. In this article you can read about how your beliefs about yourself that you have internalized since childhood have a very important impact on your behavior. I’ll quote here just one sentence, which I think sums it up pretty nicely:
«Your beliefs about yourself are like an invisible, underlying script from which you unknowingly act out your life.»
Allowing pedophiles self-confidence is key in preventing child sexual abuse
If you insist on perpetuating the false narrative that pedophiles are nothing more than ticking time bombs waiting to explode, you are actually hindering pedophiles’ ability to refrain from acting out on their attractions. Of course some people are more susceptible to those external messages than others, and many are able to realize they are not true and overcome their self-inflicted doubt. But sometimes it takes time, and support. Peer support through online forums like Virtuous Pedophiles can be extremely important, and I read testimonies daily about how the support received there has helped improve a pedophile’s self-confidence in their commitment to never offend. That is not always enough, however, and some pedophiles would greatly benefit from professional mental health support from a good psychologist or psychiatrist, in order to overcome the deeply internalized belief that they will inevitably offend.
In addition, you have to understand what it is like to grow up and realize you are sexually attracted to children. The loneliness, the isolation, the fear that someone will discover this part about you, the knowledge that most people out there would hate you if they knew… these are things many people growing up with more mainstream but still unconventional sexual orientations know very well, and should at least be sympathetic to what it’s like. As I mentioned in one of my first articles, the suicide rates among LGBT teens are four to six times higher than among the general population of teenagers. The fear that the people that are supposed to love you unconditionally — such as your parents and your close friends — would reject you can be the most crippling for a young person. Furthermore, pedophiles face the messages they hear and read in the news and on the internet about how they are the scum of the earth, less than human and deserve to be slaughtered painfully and mercilessly, or physically castrated. Being exposed to these can be incredibly disheartening, and it can take a long time to grow the skin to be able to realize they’re only based on ignorance and prejudice, and that they can be dismissed as the product of blind hatred and little rational thought.
For all these reasons, many pedophiles develop severe depression, anxiety disorders, paranoia and live in a state of constant distress which is not conducive to remaining non-offending. Anyone who knows anything about the subject knows that pedophiles who offend often do so when they are at their lowest. Being in a healthy state of mind is also key in building that self-confidence I talked about earlier. That is not true just for child sexual abuse though, anyone that knows anything about crime prevention will tell you the same thing about any other crime.
Do pedophiles have access to therapy?
People often say that there’s nothing stopping pedophiles from going to a therapist, but the reality is not so simple. Many countries have bought into the incorrect assumption that all pedophiles eventually molest, and have enacted mandatory reporting laws. If someone admits to a licensed therapist that they are attracted to children, they could automatically be deemed a risk and be reported to the authorities, even if they have never done anything wrong in their entire lives. In theory, therapists should only report if the pedophile is admitting to be actively committing abuse or if there is a clear risk for a specific child. The latter, though, is subjective enough that it could spell disaster for any pedophile that has contact with children in their life in any capacity — whether has his own children (like many of us do) or works with children in any way, such as being a teacher, a youth coach, a camp counselor, etc. Additionally, imagine if someone disclosed their attractions to a therapist, the therapist decided not to report him and the individual ended up sexually abusing a child. The consequences for the therapist would be devastating, and therefore they’re much rather be trigger-happy when it comes to reporting than favor patient-doctor confidentiality. Last but not least, although that is thankfully not something too widespread, therapists are human beings often subject to the same prejudices as everyone else, and some genuinely believe the ticking time bomb theory, and that it is right to report a pedophile to the authorities even if they haven’t actually done anything wrong. Since they will face no legal consequences for violating confidentiality, they are free to report that filthy pedo without fear of losing their license.
I have read horror stories of what happened to pedophiles that had never committed a crime or harmed anyone and confided in a mental health professional, only to be reported and have their lives turned upside down, being outed to their friends and relatives, being removed from their homes and essentially affecting their lives in a very negative way. Thankfully, many other pedophiles have found non-judgmental and sympathetic therapists that have been able to help them overcome their depression and self-hatred, and build up their self-confidence. Knowing the risks involved in even admitting your attractions to a therapist, most pedophiles simply never go see one, and even more so those who have the highest levels of self-doubt about their ability to refrain from acting, since they would be the most likely to be reported. So far from helping to protect children, these mandatory reporting laws are deterring the pedophiles that feel like they need the support not to offend the most from getting it. It is as backwards and counterproductive as it could possibly be.
The only way out of this situation is for the public — and over time the legislators — to really understand pedophilia. Refusing to discuss the topic, shoving it under the rug, does nothing to prevent child sexual abuse. The only way forward is to destigmatize the condition of being attracted to children—but never the action of having sex with children — and allow pedophiles to freely, and without fear, seek the help that they so much desire us to get. And that’s why I’m here, doing what I do. In hopes that one day people will not equate pedophile with monster or ticking time bomb, and those of us who feel like we need access to mental health support, either to build that self-confidence in our ability to never harm a child or simply to learn to accept ourselves as decent human beings whose attractions don’t make us evil, can do so without fear. Perhaps that day we will also be able to confide in our closest relatives and friends, because knowing that people accept you for who you are, without you having to hide such an important part of yourself is also incredibly valuable and works wonders in improving you self-esteem and, with it, your self-confidence.
You can help
In summary, I would say that indeed yes, pedophiles need help, just probably not the kind of help you would assume, or for the reasons you may think. And the great thing is that you can actually help.
And you don’t have to be an expert to be able to help. Here are some very simple things you can do:
Care about your fellow human being who did not choose to feel what he feels and only wishes to live his life peacefully without causing anyone harm.
Consider that perhaps you don’t know all the facts about pedophilia and child sexual abuse. That maybe what you’ve been told to be true, what you’ve read in the media or heard in the news, isn’t exactly the way it is portrayed.
Realize that perhaps it is worth listening to the perspective of a pedophile who is committed to never harming a child, that we actually deserve to have our voices heard.
Understand that pedophile and child molester are not one and the same, and that the former doesn’t automatically lead to the latter.
Challenge yourself, your prejudices and those of the people you encounter perpetuating the stigma of pedophilia, and contributing to the status quothat is preventing those you so much desire to “get help” from doing so.
By doing these simple things you will be helping pedophiles live happier and more fulfilling lives, confident that they will never act on their attractions. And by doing that you will be helping to reduce child sexual abuse, and I can’t think of a more important reason for you to realize that it is in your hand to make a change. While it is true that pedophiles account for a minority of sexual offenders against children, a single child spared from abuse is already a victory. Wouldn’t you agree?
